


Do You See Me?

by Danwithaplan



Category: ASTRO (Band), The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, blood mention, hanahaki, only like mild though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-27 14:16:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14427183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danwithaplan/pseuds/Danwithaplan
Summary: Lee Dongmin has been in love with Joo Haknyeon since the day they met.Joo Haknyeon falls for every cute girl that comes his way.If someone told you falling in love could kill you, would you take the risk?aka. dongmin gets hanahaki bc haknyeon is a fool





	1. Lavender Rose

**Author's Note:**

> this is like based off convo's a friend and i have of our ults and this as born LOL it's also like half high school au, the boyz, astro, nct are involved. though nct is only brief mentioned, they run student council for whatever reason. idk how many of the other members will appear other than mentions BUT YEAH.

Love at first sight 

Flowers. They hold many meanings. The language of flowers is something most tend to overlook. Rose’s mean love, yes that’s known, but only the red. The language of flowers can be rather chatty, but does anyone take the time to listen? 

Dongmin would begin to.

The lavender petals forced themselves up and tumbled from his lips, collecting in one of his hands as if he were just pulling them from the flower. his free hand raised to begin rubbing a his chest, wanting to try and ease the burn in his chest from all the coughing. The petals rested in his palm, so innocently, only a few though not even enough to be a full rose. Beautiful, but like the flower the came from, this beauty holds torns. 

“Hey, dongmin!” 

The petals are dropped into the open book on his lap, the cover snapping over them as calmly as he could, eyes rasing to see haknyeon jogging across the school yard the older males hand up in greeting. He felt the ache in his chest return, the desire to cough forming once more, but he resisted the urge to rub again. As to not draw attention to it. 

“Haknyeon hyung.” he greeted with a bow of his head, voice calmer in comparison to the third year who seemed to have just run clear across seoul. 

“Did you hear?” haknyeon all but threw himself into the chair across from dongmin, his bag making a loud thud as it hit the table and haknyeon leaned on it so he could be closer to dongmin. Like trying to belay a secret to the younger male. and honestly dongmin wouldn't have been surprised if that was the case.

“Hear what?” 

“About the new kid!”

“Oh, you mean the transfer right? Somi?” already dongmin knew where this was going. Knew what haknyeon would say. And his assumption was confirmed as he watched his friend slump over the bag with a faraway look in his eyes. 

“Somi… she’s so pretty.” haknyeon muttered, and dongmin could only shake his head. The action caught haknyeon’s attention though and the older teen leaned back suddenly to point an accusing finger at the younger. 

“What! Dont tell me you like her too! I call dibs! No stealing.”

“I would never, i’m not you hyung.” dongmin teased, raising his book again to get back to reading. Not even needing to watch to know haknyeon was probably staring at him.

“Have you been talking to kevin?? I never stole tomoda from him!!!” 

“That’s not what i heard.” 

“Kevin… that guy…” dongmin laughed a little as he saw haknyeon pull his phone out from over the top of his book. He knew the older male was probably spamming his group chat, the one he has heard many things about from a mutual younger friend. 

“Anyway, listen dongmin, this Somi girl, i’m totally in love. Like she’s the one i just know it.”

Dongmin didn’t respond. 

Haknyeon continued to ramble on about somi, and about future dates, and them being the cutest couple. And dongmin is so sure that haknyeon has never even spoken a word to the new transfer before, but also knew that knowledge would do nothing to stop haknyeon's new obsession. It was the same thing with every new pretty girl that haknyeon sees. His hyung was infamous for his crushes. 

Yet they never seem to form on the right person.


	2. Chrysanthemum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Should learning the language to the flowers help one learn about themselves? What connection do these flowers have to feelings? To the heart…

Cheerfulness.

“Thanks for helping me out, dongmin.” haknyeon grinned at him, the two walking down the school halls both carrying a box. 

“I was here anyway.” dongmin shrugged, eyes straight forward despite feeling haknyeon staring at him. The ache was back, the burn in his chest and he knew any moment he would need to leave. Need to be alone as the petals make themselves known. His hand twitches on its hold of the box, wanting to rub at the feeling growing in his chest. Hoping to dispeal the feeling before it gets worse. 

“Do you have a club after school or were you just staying late today?” haknyeon continued, shooting dongmin a worried look, but not pressing on. He figured the teen would tell him if it was something bad. After all, haknyeon is a trusted hyung and friend, right? 

“Mhm, club meeting. My friends and i have a like… i dont know really, we just call it astro.” his brows furrowed as he tried to think exactly what his club would be considered. It was just him and five friends he’s been pals with for years now. Well, most of them. Rocky and moonbin just joined this year. 

“Sounds like my friends.” haknyeon hummed. The older of the two had a similar thing with his own friends. They didn’t really have a clever name like astro, just calling themselves the boyz. But at least they had a real club set up. It started as a dance club. 

“You’re with the boyz yeah?” 

“Yup! This year i help run things.” 

“Surprising.” dongmin replied almost dryly, fighting to keep the amusement from his voice. Getting a lot of enjoyment out of teasing his hyung. 

“What does that mean? I’m a great hyung!” haknyeon said, tone scandalized. He stopped walking to stare open mouthed at the second year. 

“Didn’t you tackle sangyeon hyung your first year to convince him to let you join?” dongmin pasued as well a few steps ahead, and turned halfway to look at haknyeon with a raised brow. Challenging the older male to deny the truth, everyone in school knows the story. Even though sangyeon has graduated, he made sure to keep the story going. 

“I… well yes, but only because juyeon told me too!!” haknyeon huffed, catching up to dongmin again and the two started walking back down the hall. Despite his words, dongmin could see the smile fighting to come back to the others lips. 

“Besides, didn’t jinwoo like bribe minhyuk to join?” haknyeon carried on, looking at dongmin for a moment. 

“mm. Kind of, all he did was tell minhyuk that binnie already agreed to join.” dongmin said, cutting his words off as a cough forced itself out. Luckily no petals followed, but he knew it would only be moments. 

“Dongmin?” 

“Ah, it’s nothing hyung. Let’s drop this off.” he picked up his walk a little, wanting to keep from looking at haknyeon’s face. To see the concern in his eyes when he couldn’t tell  
his hyung what as wrong. He knew haknyeon would ask, and what was he to say? I have flowers growing in my lungs? Yeah. ok. 

The rest of the walk was in silence. They entered the student council room quietly, bowing greetings to the president Mark , and his vp sicheng, the two seeming to be going over ideas for the club fair. The both waved but other said nothing. 

Dongmin set his box on the table, and moved around haknyeon so quick the third year wasn’t even able to get a word out to stop him before the younger was out the door. The teens name on his lips, but no sound came out. Haknyeon was left to watch him vanish around the corner. The commotion drew the president and vice presidents attention. 

“Everything alright?” mark questioned. 

Haknyeon could only nod. 

Dongmin braced himself against the sink in the restroom, his eyes shut tightly as coughs ripped through his throat. Yellow petals falling out and collecting in the sink but dongmin paid them no mind. He didn’t try to stop the coughing, didn’t fight against it no matter how it hurt because he knew holding back would hurt more. 

Moments, though it felt like hours, passed and he was able to breathe properly again. Dark eyes peeling open, and finding a handful of yellow petals in the sink. Chrysanthemums. 

He remembered seeing those in his book. 

Carefully, he picked up a few. They were soft, as one would expect of a flower petal, no sign that they had been forcefully expelled from his lungs mere seconds before.

How could something so innocent looking cause so much pain?


	3. Daisy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To the heart, do flowers take any consideration? They speak of love and they speak of friendship but do flowers really know how to explain someones heart?

Hope

Dongmin had every right to be startled.

The first half of the day was over with, students piling towards the cafeteria and the yard to indulge in lunch time. Dongmin one of the crowd headed outside. His group of friends normally ate near one of the bigger tears in the main yard, having been dubbed astro’s tree since myungjuns second year. 

He was going over class notes as he walked, paying very little attention to anything around him as he could walk to this tree in his sleep. Though this seemed to work in haknyeon’s favor. 

The third year spotted his favorite underclassman mainly on accident. He was horsing around with hyunjoon ( attempting to squish those baby mochi cheeks ) when he saw dongmin cross by the boyz. He moved without really thinking, one moment he was about to tackle hyunjoon down, and the next he was wrapped around dongmin’s shoulders, tugging the slightly taller boy to his height and gaining a startled noise from him. 

“Hyung??” dongmin spoke in surprise, wide eyes turning towards the third year who was grinning at him. 

“Eat lunch with me?” haknyeon asked.

“Uh--”

“I need to go to the cafeteria and now one else will come with me.” haknyeon carried on, already starting to tug dongmin with him. 

“I-- okay, yeah, sure.” dongmin finally got out, still tripped up over haknyeon’s sudden appearance. He managed slip out from under haknyeon’s arm, but didn’t waste a moment in innerlacing their hands together. Haknyeon didn’t even miss a beat, and began swinging their hands. Fully use to dongmin and his need for skinship. 

“Did you not bring lunch today? Doesn’t sunwoo normally remind you?” dongmin asked as they walked, a smile on his lips and just enjoying the time with his hyung. 

“He did, i still forgot.” haknyeon laughed. 

It was a surprise haknyeon was even in class today. Normally when he forgets lunch it means he woke up late, and dongmin knows from experience that haknyeon has no issues just skipping school. He wondered why haknyeon didn’t just skip today. 

“Did you bring lunch?” 

Dongmin shook his head. 

“And yet you were still going to the yard? Were you not going to eat?” Haknyeon’s tone had taken on an almost scolding edge to it, drawing an amused smile to dongmin’s face. 

“Hey, this isn’t funny, lee dongmin.” haknyeon carried on, noticing the smile. He let go of the others hand, only to reach up and start pinching dongmin’s cheeks. 

“You’re going to get something in the cafeteria too, or hyung is going to feed you himself, ok?”

Dongmin hummed his confirmation, taking the scolding. 

Haknyeon let go of his cheeks, but continued to give him an unconvinced look. As if he didn’t believe that dongmin would do as told. But haknyeon would follow through. 

Dongmin and him would both be having lunch. 

“Okay, hyung.” dongmin finally spoke. His smile bright across his face, curving his eyes with how wide it was. He reached out and took the third years hand again, ignoring the burst of pain in his chest as they continued towards the cafeteria. 

“What do you plan to eat? I’m thinking ramen today.” haknyeon started rambling on about the menu. He was a few steps ahead of dongmin now, as if leading the teen while never once letting go. The position meant haknyeon would miss when dongmin raised a hand to his mouth. He would hear, but assume nothing bad when dongmin lightly coughs.and he would miss the petals that dongmin smoothly but quickly shoved into his pocket.

The petals he would later come back to figure out are daisies.


	4. Morning Glory & Thyme

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And should the flowers be aware of ones heart, should the petals reflect how one feels, then wouldn’t the flowers only belay saddness? For isn’t ones sided love just sad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is ending up longer than i first aimed for. also got7 makes a appearance here, though only jinyoung

Affection and courage

“How long do you think you can go on like this?” jinyoung’s voice broke through the moment of silence following another coughing fit. Dongmin didn’t even have the energy to raise his head from where it rested against the side of the tub. He was breathing heavily, a mixture of flowers scattered around him as he hadn’t been able to contain them all to the tub. 

Jinyoung tsked, crossing the floor and sitting next to his young charge. Dongmin had come to stay with him when his older brother went abroad for school. He was happy to have dongmin with him, the teen was always so bright and cheerful. Helping jinyoung around the apartment, and anything else he might need. But right now the teen was anything but bright. 

“You’re not going to be able to make it through a day without getting sick, dongmin. We need to do something.” jinyoung spoke, his tone concerned. A hand raising to brush dongmins damp bangs from his forehead. Dongmin was so pale, and jinyoung worried he would faint here and now. 

“Sorry hyung….” dongmin was finally able to say, pushing against the tub to sit up fully. Finally looking at the petals. And he couldn’t help but laugh at the irony of what they were. What courage? He didn’t even tell jinyoung about the flowers until his hyung caught him coughing. 

“Don’t apologize to me, just worry yourself.” 

Worry about yourself. 

Maybe the flowers know. 

At school later the same day, dongmin waited near the club room he knows the boyz meet at. He can hear haknyeon’s laughter through the closed door, but he didn’t dare enter. Despite the morning glories he has been coughing up all day, dongmin didn’t feel much courage coursing through him. 

“Dongmin?” a voice that very much wasn’t haknyeon draw his attention. Eyes raising from the floor to find kevin giving him a confused smile. “You can go in, you know right? Not like anyone would kick out haknyeon’s favorite second year.” he knows kevin is teasing, but the words still struck a cord in his chest. 

“Ah, no it’s nothing hyung. i’ll find haknyeon hyung later.” dongmin said, moving from the wall he had been leaning on. His will for anything crushed. 

But it seemed fate has other ideas. 

“Oh, kevin is back-- dongmin?” haknyeon’s voice followed the sound of the door sliding open. He stepped out of the classroom, moving aside so kevin could go in past him. The older male doing so only after casing another confused look between the two. 

“How long have you been standing out here?” haknyeon asked, moving towards dongmin and peering into his face. Trying to judge the youngers expression. 

‘Not long...i didn’t want to interrupt.”

‘Well that’s silly, how many times has eric showed up to drag sanha from your room?”

Dongmin stayed silent. 

Haknyeon’s expression became more confused. Not use to dongmin being so quiet. The younger seemed pale today, as if he were sick, and haknyeon couldnt help the feeling of concern that welled up in him. A hand raising to press against dongmin’s forehead.

The action caught him off guard, but he didn’t move. A blush forming on his cheeks from the touch, from how close haknyeon was. They always get close, skinship has never been an issue between them. But for some reason dongmin couldn’t stop the frantic beating of his heart. 

“Hyung… have you ever liked someone?” he asked after a beat. 

Haknyeon blinked, hand lowering at the question. 

“Like a friend?” 

“No… like more than that.” 

“A crush? Why? Does dongminie have a crush on someone?” haknyeon grinned, his expression turning to a teasing one as he leaned in towards dongmin, finally spotting the blush across the youngers cheeks. 

“I think---” 

Whatever dongmin was about to say was cut off. All at once his chest sezed, pain erupting from his throat, and he could do nothing to stop the petals that burst forth. His hands just barely moving fast enough to catch the mix of petals. Coughs raking his body, and he would have dropped to his knees if haknyeon hadn’t caught him. Lowering them both slowly.

“Dongmin? Dongmin! What’s happening-- are… are those flowers?” haknyeon’s voice was scared, concerned yes, but scared as he held dongmin through his coughing. Watching the petals drop to the floor with each new cough. 

“Dongmin how long have you had hanahaki??” he asked again, though not expecting an answer. Knowing the teen wouldn’t be able to speak as his lungs tried throwing up a whole garden. 

Dongmin was just barely able to shake his head before another fit took over. Leaning into haknyeon as his body shook, unable to keep himself up. Tears leaked from his eyes, the pain worst than it was even this morning. he felt like hsi lung was trying to dislodge itself. and he was only half aware of the club room door opening, of kevin and haknyeon helping him down the hall to the nurse's office. only half aware of his friends all running to the room mere seconds after he was dropped off. half aware that haknyeon never once let go of his hand.

He wouldn’t see the red rose petals mixed in with the rest of the petals.


	5. Chamomile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But maybe the flowers don’t reflect a heart. Maybe the flowers are there to guide, to help the host before they lose time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're about half way now. haknyeon knows about dongmin being sick and will be on the look out now. gotta find dongmins love to cure him... hahaha

Patience. 

Dongmin has always been a patient kid. 

“So… hanahaki?” haknyeon spoke, the silence between them breaking finally. The awkward air having grown to be too much for haknyeon. Unable to deal with it when it has to do with dongmin, his favorite underclassman, not knowing what he knows. 

“yeah…” dongmin replies, not looking up from the nurses bed. He was directed to stay there until his guardian arrived to take him home. He knows jinyoung would be disappointed. He told the older male this morning that it hadn’t been bad. That he could make it through the day.

Please, just make it one more day. 

“How long?” 

“The first petal appeared at the end of last year.” 

Silence. 

“You.. you’ve been coughing up petals for almost 8 months and you never once told me? Did you tell anyone?” haknyeon’s voice was calm, but dongmin could see the way he was gripping his knees, as if he was trying to keep from getting upset. Dongmin never wanted to upset him.

“I… i didn’t want to worry anyone.”

“Great, now we’re all double worried.” haknyeon paused, breathing in and out a few deep breathes to collect himself. One hand moving to gently hold dongmin’s. 

“You should have told someone, I.. I saw blood on some of the petals. Dongmin, it’s gotten really bad.” 

Dongmin nodded. What was he supposed to say? It’s doesn’t matter the one i love will never love me back? Like that would go over well. He didn’t know what to say to haknyeon to ease the others worries. 

“Do… do you know who it is?” haknyeon asked after a moment, already beginning to come up with as many different plots to get dongmin’s love to love him back. “Have you told them?” 

Dongmin shook his head. “I know who, but…. They don’t feel the same, so i havent told.” 

“How do you know they don’t like you in return? How can someone not love you?” 

A smile pulled across dongmin’s lips, the irony of what haknyeon was saying. Of who was asking him that. The irony hadn’t been lost on dongmin, and he wondered if haknyeon would find humor in it as he does if he were to know. 

“We’re just friends, and that’s okay.” dongmin spoke, looking down at his lap and smoothing out the blanket covering his legs. He could feel haknyeon’s eyes on him, knew the older male was giving him a concerned look. Knew that haknyeon would never let this go, and dongmin wondered for a moment what would happen if he just came clean. 

They sat in silence for a few minutes, neither boy knowing what to say to the other. One unable to come forward with his feelings, and the other being completely clueless as to the reason behind his friends illness. Neither has heard of any cure for hanahaki other than then the feelings being returned. No medical procedure would work as a long time cure, as the flowers would always grow back eventually. And if dongmin wouldn’t reveal who he was in love with, then haknyeon wouldn’t be able to find the person and make them see how great dongmin is. 

The silence carried until dongmin started coughing again. The sound jolting haknyeon back to the present, and he moved to sit next to dongmin on the bed. An arm wrapping around the younger males shoulders as dongmin coughed. White petals flecked with red landing on the blanket on his lap, and haknyeon could do nothing but tighten his hold.


	6. Yellow Hyacinth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Should the flowers be guides, how closely should the host follow them? Should every meaning be taken seriously? Should every meaning be taken as its exact purpose?

Jealousy

They were having lunch together. 

Not dongmin and haknyeon, no that would be too good to be true. The rareity of haknyeon leaving his normal group of friends to eat lunch meant that the two of them never really had lunch together. The time a few days ago was a fluke, that dongmin had enjoyed greatly. 

But today it wasn’t dongmin. 

He could see them across the yard, sitting at one of the benches with their boxes between them. Haknyeon was moving his hands a lot, a smile wide on his face and whatever he was talking about much has been funny because somi kept laughing. Her pretty face scrunched up in amusement, a hand covering his mouth but dongmin could hear the laughter from where he sat. 

“Dude, you gonna eat that?” minhyuk’s voice came from the left, and dongmin shook his head without even looking. His own lunch box barely touched since he sat with his friends. They had given up asking what was wrong when he didn’t respond the first three times. Too lost in thought, they assumed. As he hasn’t come forward to any of them about his long time crush. 

They knew about his hanahaki, having been called out when dongmin collapsed in front of hakneyon a few days ago, but dongmin gave no info of who he was in love with. He just smiled at all of them, telling them he was okay. Telling them he accepted the flowers, and knew nothing could be done. That he didn’t want the person he loves to feel guilty for not loving him back. 

None of them likes that, especially not Moonbin who kept an eye on dongmin anytime they were around each other, but they also know dongmin can be stubborn. He has a poker face to challenge pro’s, and nothing would come out of prying. 

“--min-- Dongmin!” the second year’s gaze snapped onto jinwoo when he heard the other almost yell his name, eyes wide in surprise. Startled with how lost he had gotten in his own thoughts, in his gaze. 

“Hyung?” he finally spoke, seeing the concern painted on everyone’s face. 

“The bell just rang, class time?” jinwoo was the oldest of the group with myungjun no longer in school and he took it very seriously when it comes to looking out for his friends. Dongmin being sick had done nothing to put him at ease, especially knowing what he is sick with. 

“Right…” 

Jinwoo watched in silence as dongmin gathered his nearly untouched lunch. He didn’t pry, knowing it would get him nowhere, but he did make a mental note to get dongmin to eat something during club time later.

“The guys went ahead already, sanha had to-- dongmin!” jinwoo’s line of chatter was cut off when dongmin stumbled forward, the older male quickly catching his friend as he began coughing. Dongmins whole body was shaking with every cough, the yellow petals, much greater in number than they had been in the past, were expelled harshly from his lungs. 

“Dongmin! Breathe, come on, you can get through this!” jinwoo spoke, his tone taking on an almost panicked edge as he rubbed dongmin’s back. Hoping to help the younger get through this fit. 

“Dongmin-- dongmin! Come on! Dongmin!” 

The world faded to black, jinwoo’s voice becoming a mere distant yell as dongmin fell into the shadows. The only thing keeping him from hitting the ground was his hyung holding onto him.


	7. Rhododendron

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do we accept the warnings of the flowers, like we accept the sound of sirens?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes shinee kibum appeared leave me alone skjdnfksj

Danger 

Beep.

Beep.

Beep. 

“And how long has he been showing the signs?”

“Almost … uh… 9 months now?”

“Hmm… it’s advanced pretty far, we won’t be able to do much for him but make him comfortable.”

“Thank you doctor.” 

The voices are what dongmin wakes to, and he is confused to hear the voice of his brother. The very brother who was supposed to be in london right now in school. His eyes open slowly, the bright lights of the room making him wince. 

“Hyung?” his voice was rough, and the back of his throat was hurting. He could steps on the floor, and a hand was soon laced through his. A familar feeling, something he has known since he was younger. 

“I’m right here.” kibum’s voice was but a whisper, as if they had gone back to their younger days, when dongmin had first moved in, and kibum had been too worried of spooking the already timid child. 

They aren’t brother by blood, no kibum is actually his cousin. When his aunt had found out how cruel her brother was to his own child, she had taken dongmin in without hesitation. Kibum had taken to the younger boy quickly, though there was a good dip in age between them, kibum easily took the roll of big brother. 

“Do you remember what happened?” kibum asked, his thumb rubbing along the back of dongmin’s hand. 

“I… I was at school.” he started, pausing as he tried to shift to sit up. Kibum caught on to what he wanted and was quick to support the younger, positioning a pillow so dongmin was propped up then grabbing the water off the counter so it would be easier for him to speak. 

“Your friend jinwoo got you to the nurse. Then jinyoung called me in a panic saying you were in the hospital.” kibum stated once they were both settled again, watching dongmin’s face for any signs of pain. 

“But.. hyung how did you get here so fast?” dongmin questioned turning a confused face onto the older male. He had been so sure that kibum was in london last he checked, and the flight from london to here couldn’t have been that quick. 

“Dongmin….” kibum paused, his expression serious. “You’ve been out for three days, i just arrived today. Jinyoung called me when you were admitted on the first day, and i caught the first flight.”

Three days…

“Three.... Three days?” dongmin gasped, eyes wide. He searched kibum’s expression for any sign that the older male was lying to him. He knows kibum would never, but it was hard to believe he had been asleep in the hospital for three days. 

“But… but i dont feel that bad.” he continued, looking down at his lap, hands lightly clenching the white sheet of the hospital blanket. “it wasn’t bad, just some coughing.” 

Kibum could only watch, his expression pained as he watched his brother. Seeing the conflicting emotions running across the younger males face, the confusion and the disbelief being the main ones. And kibum wanted nothing more than to save his brother from this, to free the teen from his illness and all these crushing feelings. 

“Dongmin… the doctor told me how far it has advanced.” kibum started after a few beats of silence, reaching out and holding onto one of the younger males hands. He tried keeping his voice even, tone soft, so he could keep dongmin calm. “He wants to keep you here for a few days. When you arrived you were so out of it, coughing up flowers left and right, all of them rhododendron.” 

Rhododendron… 

Dongmin knows the meaning to those. Knows what those flowers are telling him, telling everyone. His hand holding kibum clenches tightly, holding like a lifeline to the older male. 

“Hyung… i… i didn’t think it would get this bad…” 

Kibum kept quiet. 

Dongmin saw the tears drop to his blanket before he felt them, a startled sound mixed with a laugh leaving his lips as the tears fell down his cheeks. “I..i don’t know what to do anymore.” he said, voice a broken whisper. Kibum moved seconds after, his arms going around the younger, holding him tightly but gently and letting dongmin cry into his shoulder. 

“We’ll… we’ll figure something out..”  
\-----------------------------------------

“Dongmin!” 

Hours have passed since dongmin woke finally, and the teen had calmed down enough to have something to eat and be checked by his doctor. Kibum had called jinyoung who showed up soon after, and both his hyungs had been chatting back and forth while lowkey nagging dongmin. Which amused him. He could see why the two were such good friends. 

He hadn’t been expected any other visitors that day, his brother told him his group of friends had been by before he woke. So hearing a familiar voice call from the door caused the teen to start. His eyes shooting up and meeting worried eyes of haknyeon. 

“Hyung? What are you doing here?” 

Haknyeon didn’t respond, pretty much marching across the room before wrapping dongmin up in a hug. The younger teen tenses under the contact, before relaxing into his hyungs arms, hesitantly raising an arm to return. 

“Hyung…?” the word is whispered this time, scared if he spoke to loud that haknyeon might vanish. That he would be wake up and realize it was a dream and it was still just him and his brother here. But haknyeon didn’t vanish, his arms tightened their hold around dongmin, and the younger male wondered what haknyeon was thinking about. 

“Don’t do that to me again.” haknyeon finally whispered, his breath ghosting across dongmin’s neck creating a chill down his spine. His hyung sounded so sad, so worried. Dongmin has never witnessed haknyeon anything but bright and cheerful, his hyung was always smiling when they were together and dongmin didn’t like seeing haknyeon like this. 

“I’m sorry.” he whispered back, his hand lightly gripping the fabric of haknyeons jacket, savoring the hug. The moment of closeness with his hyung, with the reason for his condition. 

But he would never blame haknyeon. 

If anything it was dongmin’s own luck that he would fall in love with one of his best friends, and that this love would end up killing him. His father use to tell him he never deserved to be loved, and now love was going to be his downfall. So it’s funny, in a rather cynical view. Dongmin would keep these thoughts to himself though, no one needed to know his own view of himself. They already worried enough as it is. 

Haknyeon pulled away after a moment, ending the hug that felt like it lasted a lifetime. They both realized kibum and jinyoung were still watching them, and matching blushes formed across their cheeks when they found the older two in the room just smiling ( or smirking, in jinyoungs case ). 

“Haknyeon, long time no see.” kibum spoke, his eyes meeting dongmin’s for a moment. Understanding flashed across kibum’s face, fitting the last puzzle piece in and making the whole picture. He would question dongmin later about it. 

“Yeah-- ah, welcome back to seoul, kibum hyung.” haknyeon greeted, giving a polite bow to both the other two.he know kibum due to having been friends with dongmin since middle school. When they use to play around at the park, and it was always kibum who came to walk them home. 

“Thank you.” kibum said as he stood from his chair, jinyoung rising seconds after. “We’ll leave you two to talk for a moment, i want to grab a bite to eat. Either of you want something.?” after receiving twin shakes of the head, kibum and jinyoung made their way out of the room. 

There was a beat of silence, haknyeon pulling the chair jinyoung had been using closer to dongmin before taking a seat. He reached out and gently took the youngers hand into his own, keeping his eyes down on the hands. 

“I thought jinwoo was playing a cruel prank on us when he stopped by the club room.” haknyeon started, fingers tracing along the back of dongmins hand. Mapping out the veins, and wrinkles marking him. 

“I’m sorry.” dongmin repeated again. 

“Don’t.. Just. i know this isn’t your fault, and you don’t have to apologize.” haknyeon finally looked up at him, sad eyes meeting defeated eyes. And haknyeon was startled to see just how tired dongmin looked. It was worrying, dongmin was always so full of life. The helpful underclassman who loves to cling to his hyungs. This illness must be really taking its tole on dongmin, and haknyeon was afraid the teen wouldn’t put up a fight.

“I’m going to find a way to cure you.”


	8. Sunflower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But are all warnings really telling us that something bad will happen inevitably? or are they there to ward us away from the bad end?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're getting close to the end. will dongmin make it? will haknyeon find out who he loves?

Adoration 

The doctor kept dongmin for another three days for observation. Despite having wanted to stay, kibum couldn’t miss anymore classes, and flew back to london the day dongmin was released. The younger boy urging his brother to go back, and that they would keep him updated. Jinyoung promised to keep a better eye on dongmin. 

Before he had gone, kibum questioned dongmin about haknyeon. Hitting the nail on the head when he asked if it was haknyeon who dongmin was in love with. Coming clean to someone had taken a weight off his chest, and dongmin had cried in his brothers arms for near an hour. Kibum telling him that he should confess. That maybe his feelings are returned but they have to be out in the open. 

Dongmin wasn’t so sure. 

Haknyeon came by every day after school to visit dongmin, and then was there when he was released. His hyung kept trying to get him to tell who the person was, but dongmin remained closed lip. Smiling to all the ideas haknyeon threw out, all the people his hyung assumed could be on the other end. 

Never getting close to the right answer. It did make him wonder what would happen if he did just tell haknyeon. Would his fears come to fruit, and he would lose a long time friend, or would haknyeon feel guilty over not returning the love? Neither of them sounded very good. 

When monday rolled around, dongin found himself back at school. It was weird not being in school for a week, but no one outside his group of friends said anything. No one paid extra attention to him. And since there was no gossip happening, he could only assume no one else was aware of his illness. 

 

Which was great. 

“Yo, dongmin hyung!” eric’s voice carried through the chatter of the halls, dongmin spotting him and sanha leaning near his locker. The two maknaes of the clubs often found hanging out together since they were the only two in the middle school part of school, but why are they by dongmin’s locker? 

“Eric, sanha, what brings you both here?” he greeted with a smile, not bothered by the serious looks being thrown his way. 

“Jinwoo hyung wanted me to text everyone when i saw you since i don’t have a first class.” sanha replied, already pulling out his phone so he can send a message to the group. 

“Can we not greet our hyung in the morning?” eric said seconds after, a mock hurt look on his face. And dongmin could only shake his head, a fond smile resting on his lips. 

“Of course you can, but normally you both bother minhyuk or hyunjoon.” 

“Hyunjoonie hyung is in a test retake right now, and minhyuk hyung was going to be late today.” there was a pout on sanha’s face, making the kid all the more adorable. 

“and... “ eric paused, his expression shifting to one of concern as he looked at dongmin, and the older male couldn’t help the guilt that welled in him at the look. Hating being the cause of his friends worry. 

“You were gone a week… are you really okay, hyung?” eric continued, and sanha nodded but watching dongmin for any sign of pain. And he wondered if they were just itching to rush him to the doctor again. 

“I’m okay, don’t worry.” the words felt almost like a lie at this point, but what else does he tell them? He can’t add to their worry and tell them how sick he is, how the chances of being healed are slim. Eventually this will get to bad, and dongmin will find himself bedridden completely. But until then he could ease their stress. 

“Would i be here if i wasn’t?” he finished, reaching around them to get into his locker. The two younger teens watched him for a moment before twin smiles spread across their faces, making dongmin relax. 

“You’re right, hyung!”

“We’ll see you at lunch, yeah?”

“Kevin hyung said both clubs are going to eat together.” 

“A mini party for you being back!” 

They played off each other so well, and if dongmin wasn’t so use to this, he would have been a little caught off guard. But as it stands, he was just amused by their way of talking.   
Nodding in response to the question. 

“Yeah, you’ll see me at lunch. I’m sure hyunjoon will drag me there regardless.” he started, patting them each on the shoulder. “I have class now, ok? Try not to cause trouble anywhere.” he smiled, this one meeting his eyes this time, before moving around them to get to class. 

This was what he had been wanting to avoid. 

He didnt want any of his friends to worry for him. To cause stress for them when there was nothing anyone could do. Them worrying would only make dongmin feel bad, because he wants his friends to be happy. Wants them to be okay. And if he can avoid causing them more stress for just a little while longer than he would take it. 

The day comes to an end faster than dongmin thought it would. He finds himself headed out the front doors, both tired, but happy to have been here today. The burn in his chest had appeared a few times, but no coughing. No petals making themselves known. He thought, maybe, during lunch time it would happen. Especially when he ended up sitting right beside haknyeon, their arms and legs brushing every few moments. And haknyeon would turn that bright smile onto dongmin. 

That smile… he wants to protect that smile. _I love you._

That smile haknyeon wears when he’s most happy, when his eyes curve and his whole body seems to shine. The smile he wears when he’s content, and his eyes softly observe whoever he is with. _I love you._ The smile when he’s telling a joke, when his eyes light up with amusement, and hoping for someone to laugh. 

The burn returned all at once, and tears formed in his eyes as he stumbled a few steps before dropping to a knee. His hands raising to his throat as he started coughing. _I love you._ He could feel the tears running down his cheeks. Yellow petals falling with each cough, the sunflowers creating a contrast to the grey asphalte of the sidewalk. _I love you._ He sobbed between coughs, body trembling, unable to handle the pain. The pain of the flowers, the pain of his love. 

_I love you._

“Dongmin!” 

And haknyeon was there all at once. Dongmins thoughts manifesting in physical form, the older male was suddenly there. His arms wrapping around the coughing teen, holding dongmin as he sobbed. Ignoring the petals even as they kept coming. He hugged dongmin, a hand on his back, and another in his hair, pressing the younger teen against him. Letting dongmin bury his face into haknyeon’s shoulder. 

He didn’t speak, he just held dongmin. Held him as he cried, held him through the pain.

He didn’t speak until dongmin was no longer coughing. Until he was just leaning into haknyeon quietly, hiccuping every few seconds from how hard he had cried. He didn’t let go for a second, there was fear in letting go. Like dongmin would be gone should haknyeon loosen his hold even for a moment. As if the teen in his arms was fading away and haknyeon was the only one keeping him here. 

It scared him how little he could do.

“Dongmin…. Who.. who is it? Who’s making you cry like this?” haknyeon finally asked, his arms staying around dongmin even as the younger teen pulls away a little. Dongmin’s gaze staying down, avoiding the worried eyes of his hyung. 

“Please, how can i help you?” haknyeon tried again, moving one hand to lightly cup dongmin’s cheek. Thumb brushing the tear tracks that run across his flushed cheeks. His heart hurting for the younger teen, for his long time friend.

“It’s you.”


	9. Red Tulips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The flowers. For whatever they know, or do not know, should be used as a guide. Follow them, but only just. And never trust them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more chapter after this. haknyeon knows now, but does he love dongmin enough to help cure him?

Declaration of love 

“It’s you.” 

The words rang heavy between the two teens, dongmin’s expression one of resignation, and haknyeon’s one of shock. Whatever he had been expecting dongmin to say, had obviously not been that. 

Dongmin’s voice was but a whisper as he started again, eyes dropping to his lap spotting the red tulips mixed in with the sunflowers. Briefly he wondered. Do the flowers know what he is going to do? 

“Hyung… it’s… it’s always been you.” there was a shaky tone to the whisper, afraid of speaking too loud. Afraid of the words he is saying, and the reaction he knows he is going to get out of this. “From… from.. I dont even know from when, i dont know when it changed.” dongmin continued, his hands moving to brush the petals off his lap, trembling but keeping back the urge to cry again. He refused still to look at haknyeon. 

“I.. i love you, haknyeon hyung. I--- i think i’ve always loved you.” dongmin continued in a rushed voice when he heard haknyeon begin to speak. “And! I know! I know it’s impossible for you to love me back, and that i’m going to keep coughing flowers, but-- but its okay. I didn’t-- i didn’t tell you because i didn’t want you to feel bad.” despite his best effort the tears came.

“Dongmin…” haknyeon whispered his name, the sound so upset and so confused. And dongmin could only cover his face with is hands as he cried. 

“I love you so much, my heart always feels so happy when we’re together--” he was cut off by hands brushing his off his cheeks, haknyeons warm hands cupping his cheeks and making dongmin meet his eyes. Those eyes that are always so full of life looked at dongmin with such concern, such heart break. 

“You’re-- you’re one of my best friends, dongmin. How could i not love you?” haknyeon spoke, but he didn’t seem sure. 

And before dongmin could respond, haknyeon was kissing him. 

The kiss was soft, barely a peck. Dongmin could feel haknyeon’s own tears, could feel the trembling in his hyungs hands that resting on his cheeks. He could feel the burn in his chest from the action, and he knows haknyeon doesn’t love him the same.

But haknyeon kissed him again. Desperately this time. 

“I love you-- please, i want to love you the same-- you’re too precious to me, dongmin.” haknyeon sobbed between kisses. he kisses dongmin again and again, each press of lips filled with emotion, as if haknyeon was trying to fix everything with these kisses alone. he kissed dongmin like dongmin was about to fall apart before his arms moved to pull dongmin against him again, hugging the younger tightly. 

“Please don’t leave me, i do love you, i do, i do, i do.” the older males voice was so upset, and dongmin felt himself calm at it. Felt his own internal panic coming to a rest as he returned the hug. His chin resting on haknyeon’s shoulder as he listened to the broken mumblings. The confessions of love that didn’t hold the same meaning as dongmin’s. 

“I know hyung.” he whispered when there was a break in haknyeon’s words. He felt the older tighten his hold. A smile, so sad but so accepting, pulled across dongmin’s lips. 

“I love you too, hyung.”


	10. White Jasmine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What do the flowers tell you about love?

Sweet love. 

As it turned out. Dongmin does a lot of worrying on his own for no reason. A lot of the ideas he has worked up in his head are so unreasonable. He probably needs someone to go through all the ideas and just tell him hey man, this one is silly. 

Telling haknyeon that he’s in love with him had been the product of a lot of ideas. Worries of losing his friend, of causing problems, or making the older guilty. All of this had been big sources of worries, and they all turned out to be silly. 

The next day at school haknyeon greeted dongmin at the gates. Walking him to class, asking how he was feeling. He found him at lunch, catching up to him as if he had run all the way from his classroom to dongmin’s by how hard he was breathing. They had lunch together a few days throughout the week. And anytime dongmin needed to cough, haknyeon was the first up to help him. 

They didn’t bring up the confession, the kisses through the tears. Dongmin didn’t out of embarrassment, and haknyeon out of just not knowing what to do. 

Their friends noticed the change between them, noticed how often they were together, and though they use to spend a lot of time together before, this was more. It was like it hurt haknyeon to leave dongmin alone for even a moment. Every time they were out of class he was searching the second year out, that bright smile that dongmin has come to love would greet him at the beginning of his day, and the end of his day.

“Morning dongmin! I picked up some coffee milk on my way here, did you have breakfast already?” haknyeon greeted, his smile so bright even in the early hour of the morning. Though dongmin was also a morning person, it amused him how bright haknyeon seemed right now. 

Especially since he was so sure haknyeon wasn’t a morning person. But he accepted the coffee milk with a smile. Listening to haknyeon rattle on about a tough test he had to take today and then about wanting to eat ramen for lunch. 

“Sangyeon hyung was going to bring myungjun with him today, apparently they wanted to get everyone together for the meeting tonight.” haknyeon spoke, pausing to take a sip of his own milk. “I know sunwoo said it might have to do with the talent show hongdae is putting on.”

Dongmin nodded, he head heard all this too, though he hadn’t yet questioned jinwoo about it. It’s not odd for the boyz and astro to get together for large collabs. Mostly messing around. 

“Do you think you’ll join?” haknyeon questioned, turning his head so he could look at dongmin. Watching the younger males expression. 

“I dont know, i’m not much a dancer, you know.” dongmin shrugged, responding around his drink.

“You’ve improved a lot. I watched you cover snsd tts with moonbin a few months ago.” haknyeon couldn’t hide his grin when he heard dongmin’s intake of breath followed by coughing as the younger teen nearly choked on his milk. He raised a hand to pat his back, but the grin remained. 

“You saw that??” dongmin finally got out, his cheeks flushed red. 

“Yup, moonbin invited hyunjoon, and i followed.” the grin on haknyeon’s face grew. So amused by catching dongmin off guard like this. The teen was normally so cool and collected. Always smiling gently. 

Dongmin let out an embarrassed sound, a hand raising to cover the lower half of his face. Remembering that cover vivibly. How moonbin had conned him into that cover, and both of them had been wearing animal onesies for it. He assumed only his fellow astro friends would see it, not his crush too. 

And their days went like that, they grew closer. More than they had been before. Haknyeon held back nothing, showering dongmin in attention and affection. And dongmin never turned it down, almost soaking in it, and returning it full force. Haknyeon would meet him for lunch, and dongmin would give him a lunch box he made himself. Dongmin helped haknyeon in his english classes, taking over for kevin who usually tutored haknyeon. And haknyeon helped dongmin in his chinese. They were attached at the hip, and many began to assume things. 

Their friends as well. Wondering if maybe haknyeon was who dongmin loved, or if maybe haknyeon would be who took the love and cured dongmin. But they never approached it, just watched. Making sure neither got hurt. 

But neither teen really noticed. At least, dongmin hadn’t noticed at first. 

“Hyung, what are you doing?” dongmin finally asked. It’d been nearing two months since the confession. His coughing hadn’t gotten worse, but it hadn’t gotten better. Daisy’s, and sunflowers, and hyacinths of all color making themselves know to him at random times. And each time reminded dongmin that haknyeon would never love him the way he loves his hyung. Would remind him of what was at stake, and that his days were starting to get numbered. But he wouldn’t take it back, he would never want to take this all back. This time with haknyeon… 

“What do you mean?” haknyeon replied, looking up from his school books.

The two of them were spread out in the library, books and notebooks around the table. They were supposed to be studying, a study date haknyeon had cheerfully announced at lunch today ( nearly making dongmin choke due to being surrounded by all their friends and his hyung had used the word date ), but dongmin kept finding himself looking at haknyeon. His eyes drifting from his textbook to the older male, watching the concentration written on his hyungs expression. 

“This.” dongmin gestures between them. 

“We’re studying?” haknyeon questioned, lowering his pencil, brows furrowing as he tried to understand what dongmin was getting at. 

“No just… hyung, it’s been a few weeks since that-- that happened, and--” 

“--dongmin, i don’t love you the way you need me to, but i do love you. And i want to help you however i can.” haknyeon interrupted him, his expression turning into a small smile. 

Dongmin stared at him for a long moment, reading his hyungs expression for any sign of him lying. But when he saw none, dongmin returned the smile with one of his own. 

Ba-bump..

Haknyeon’s eyes widened at the smile, the softness that took over dongmin’s expression. It was… it was so cute. Dongmin has always been cute to him, has always been an adorable underclassman, and younger friend. Haknyeon has never hesitated in telling dongmin how cute he thinks he is. But..

Ba-bump..

“Thank you, hyung.” dongmin smiled more, his eyes curving as the smile took over his entire face. The happiness seeping through him, as if he would start glowing. 

Ba-bump.. 

Haknyeon felt his heart rate pick up, his palms grew sweaty and he resisted the urge to wipe them on his pants. Dongmin was just smiling at him, but it made him feel so shy--so nervous. 

Ba-bump..

Dongmin has smiled at him so many times before why was this one different? Why did he feel like suddenly it was just the two of them, and nothing else around them mattered. And haknyeon didn’t feel the need to try and change his focus. His eyes staying locked on the smile, on the happiness that was written on dongmin’s expression. 

He wants to protect that smile. 

“Dongmin.” 

Before he could continue, dongmin started coughing. Haknyeon grew alarmed as he watched dongmin clutch his chest, coughing enough that normally flowers would start falling out. He’s seen it enough to know. But.

But there was none. 

“Dongmin?” 

The younger male was frozen as the coughing subsided. His eyes squeezed shut, the burning in his chest fadd completely for the first time in nearly a year. He hadn’t even realized that his chest always hurt and now it doesn’t. There is no feeling there, nothing making him feel like he would suddenly hack up a flower garden. He felt… lighter. 

“Dongmin!” 

Haknyeon was right next to him, his hyung kneeling next to his chair and looking at him so concerned. And dongmin knew all at once what this had to mean. There was only one way to fully cure the hanahaki disease. One way to get rid of the flowers growing in your lungs, and dongmin knows this. He knows what this means.

“There’s no flowers, hyung.” he whispers. Afraid this is a dream, afraid he would come back to reality and his chest would still hurt. But nothing changed, haknyeon was still giving him a confused but concerned look. 

“Hyung… there’s-- it doesn’t hurt.” he said, louder now. More sure of himself, more sure of the lack of pain in his chest, of the flowers that hadn’t appeared. And haknyeon seemed to understand this time too. the older males eyes widened, a red hue fluttering across haknyeons face but he didn’t move away.

“Dongmin… you.. I…” haknyeon stuttered, his words not connecting to a sentence and that drew a smile to dongmins lips again. This one was softer, so full of love and hope. And it made haknyeon’s heart skip a beat again, made his mind muddled, and he knew he was a goner. 

He was a goner the moment dongmin smiled at him that first day so many years ago.

After all, haknyeon was the one who said it before, how could you not love dongmin? 

“How about we try that kiss again, hyung?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY! this was fun. i haven't written a longer fic like this in a while. please let me what you think! also would you like me to add an extra chapter, a peek into how haknyeon and dongmin are doing? i might end up writing other things connected to this story vaguely. who knows. anyway! i hope you liked the story. please stream the boyz giddy up


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